hmm

strange huh
how u wait so eagerly for something to happen and when something does happen, it doesnt feel that exciting anymore. i guess that happens when u overly anticipate something and all the energy goes into the anticipating that when the actual thing happens u have no energy left

what i find strange is also after feeling this way, i feel an intense amount of guilt. and i dunno why? it's somehow just there and it doesnt go away no matter what i say or do. so i try to stifle this sense of guilt by keeping myself busy. and maybe i will try to forget. ok this works but only for a while til the naggin sense of guilt returns.

then after going thru periods of busyness and guilt, i start to ponder over why i felt like what i felt in the first paragraph. then it scares me sometimes how i think i am ready to take something on and the more i think about it. i freak out and then i get scared.

so conclusion - stop thinking abt what i haf or am going to take on and just focus my mind on other things. i just hope that all these can be explained to me why like that one day?

8daysand5days

imnotsurewadscaresmemore?
urpresencehere
orurabsencehere