i cant stay angry for long
i am waiting for the hole in the ground to open and swallow u whole. dont blame me if it really does. i am not apologising. or at least i wont and i am not talking either.
Forget about being a testimony. just stop being a hypocrite. if all those sayings you always say will change my life then why hasnt it changed yours? what does that go to show that all those sayings are just sayings and what does that show again? that they dun work.
so stop sprouting rubbish like that. even worse. sayings like oh, if you are a neat person, your life wont be a mess. sure. as if i am neat person then my life wont be a mess either. tell me, no WAIT, dont tell me! show me cos i am at the age where i dun buy rubbish like that anymore. so does that mean if i am a messy person then my life will always be messy. i will never forget what i say - sure, but internal messes are so different from external messes. so if i am a neat person then my life wont be a mess.
i just need to get it out of my system. stay in this place any longer, and i will go crazy. i seem to be have already started the process. forgive me but at times like this, i wish that the d word would really be over and i would be free or would i?
u ask gus why am i always going out? and she says oh cos i have alot of money. haha, she is such a joker. let me tell u the real reasons why i am almost always out. - its not a home, never was. the thing u always used to tell us -only coming home to sleep and eat then go out again, u think wad this place is a hotel ah ? well seems like it. when i am home, you are out. when i am out, you are home. when i am out, you are out and so the possibilities go on. - since its not a home, wads the point of returning to an empty house? - since its no longer a haven, i am lookin for other havens to be belong to. the only problem is not like i am wanted by other havens like say a friend's place, how long can i stay at a friend's place before that friend is no longer a friend of mine. i give up, sometimes i think its just so much easier to return to a house then put up with someone else. then i will always be at the mercy of that friend. - why not? since according to gus, i have alot of money. like i said she is a joker. u cant take every word she says sometimes, must be taken wid many pinches of salt.
ok. i think i am done for today. i need to be off someplace to piece some more thoughts together. i found a solitary place but its just so far from house. i need a spot near house. anyone with any ideas? just a few conditions to note. - must be walking distance, abt 30 mins would be alrite, dont forget i still have to leave that spot to return house. - must be somewhere that can be described without me getting confuse. cos if i get confused then your good intentions will no longer be good. - must be somewhere that is easy to get to, u know me and my sense of direction or rather lack of. - must be quiet, yet not too quiet - last thing, far away from intertwined couples and if there is a good swing nearby, that would be good as well .. just realise the other day, how long i haven been on a swing, i had problems stopping. the friend i went wid threaten to leave me behind if i was lame. told him i cant be lame when i am not walking since i am stuck on a swing. i almost got left behind haha. oh well..
Forget about being a testimony. just stop being a hypocrite. if all those sayings you always say will change my life then why hasnt it changed yours? what does that go to show that all those sayings are just sayings and what does that show again? that they dun work.
so stop sprouting rubbish like that. even worse. sayings like oh, if you are a neat person, your life wont be a mess. sure. as if i am neat person then my life wont be a mess either. tell me, no WAIT, dont tell me! show me cos i am at the age where i dun buy rubbish like that anymore. so does that mean if i am a messy person then my life will always be messy. i will never forget what i say - sure, but internal messes are so different from external messes. so if i am a neat person then my life wont be a mess.
i just need to get it out of my system. stay in this place any longer, and i will go crazy. i seem to be have already started the process. forgive me but at times like this, i wish that the d word would really be over and i would be free or would i?
u ask gus why am i always going out? and she says oh cos i have alot of money. haha, she is such a joker. let me tell u the real reasons why i am almost always out. - its not a home, never was. the thing u always used to tell us -only coming home to sleep and eat then go out again, u think wad this place is a hotel ah ? well seems like it. when i am home, you are out. when i am out, you are home. when i am out, you are out and so the possibilities go on. - since its not a home, wads the point of returning to an empty house? - since its no longer a haven, i am lookin for other havens to be belong to. the only problem is not like i am wanted by other havens like say a friend's place, how long can i stay at a friend's place before that friend is no longer a friend of mine. i give up, sometimes i think its just so much easier to return to a house then put up with someone else. then i will always be at the mercy of that friend. - why not? since according to gus, i have alot of money. like i said she is a joker. u cant take every word she says sometimes, must be taken wid many pinches of salt.
ok. i think i am done for today. i need to be off someplace to piece some more thoughts together. i found a solitary place but its just so far from house. i need a spot near house. anyone with any ideas? just a few conditions to note. - must be walking distance, abt 30 mins would be alrite, dont forget i still have to leave that spot to return house. - must be somewhere that can be described without me getting confuse. cos if i get confused then your good intentions will no longer be good. - must be somewhere that is easy to get to, u know me and my sense of direction or rather lack of. - must be quiet, yet not too quiet - last thing, far away from intertwined couples and if there is a good swing nearby, that would be good as well .. just realise the other day, how long i haven been on a swing, i had problems stopping. the friend i went wid threaten to leave me behind if i was lame. told him i cant be lame when i am not walking since i am stuck on a swing. i almost got left behind haha. oh well..
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